slacker

I know I've been slacking! We went out to KY to visit our daughter, Lindsey, who is in graduate school out there. It was so good to see her. She is so busy! Most days she leaves the house by 7 a.m. and doesn't get home until 7 p.m. I'm glad she found some time to spend with us!
Jonathon was not a fan of KY. He was having technical withdrawls. At home he can go into the computer room and get on You Tube and watch videos, while watching his laptop, while watching his DVD player, while playing on his IPAD! Lindsey doesn't have that many techy gadgets! Plus his entire routine was turned upside down.
He did enjoy going to the lake, going to a movie theater where he got to eat his dinner while he watched a movie, and we took him to the horse races. He liked the races, but had a huge blow up in the parking lot. It was my fault. He started raising his hands in the air like a monster, so I reminded him that if we want to go out in public and do things, like the theater, and shopping and Disneyland we have to "be patient and kind and handle it." Those are words Jonathon is accepting of and we talk about all the time. Well, what he processed was you just told me to put my hands down, I didn't and now I can't go to Disneyland. I've ruined it and now I'm really mad at you!"   
Sometimes I get so frustrated with myself when I screw up the interactions with him. I should've known NOT to mention Disneyland at all! It's too important to him to be attached to his behavior. I'm really hoping the autism specialists out of Denver will be able to guide Tim and I through these interactions. Part of the process is to recognize WHEN we are headed into a situation with him and to turn it around as soon as possible... yeah, I think we have some work to do there!

Easter Hat

Jonathon has always been a lover of hats. When he was three-ish he inherited a cowboy hat once belonging to Tim. It wasn't long after that the inherited gift ended up filled with water and mud. The once nicely shaped cowboy hat was now fit for any backwoods kinfolk get together! Jonathon looked like a little mini Jed Clampet in that hat. I'm not sure how we lost the treasure, but it disappeared and he never really attached to a hat as much as that one, until three years ago.
Over the years Jonathon's hat collection has grown to include top hats, ball caps, winter hats, pirate hats,  even a somberero, but the most coveted hat arrived three years ago as an Easter present.
One of Jonathon's favorite movies has a character in it who wears a pith helmet, so I ordered one. I figured he'd wear it every once in awhile and change it out with his other hats. NOPE! He is now on his third pith helmet. He wears that hat everywhere! At first, I thought he wore the hat due to sensory issues, but that is only part of why he wears it. The true reason... it's a way for him to reach out to people. It's his own visual to draw people to him. He doesn't have the ability to go up to people and start a conversation, so he's adapted by wearing a unique hat that would catch peoples attention. He says "hello there" to people and, more often than not, they will comment on his hat and then he has the "in" he needs for a conversation. He will thank them for the compliment and if asked he will tell them "the Easter Bunny brought it to me." Heaven forbid when people ask if he's going on safari! He lets them know that he is not going on a safari, that it is an Egyptian pyramid hat and that he is going to the pyramids of Egypt!
I only realized it was his way of hooking people when I noticed a man with disabilities in a felt purple and green Doctor Suess hat. Talking to him I found out that he wears the hat because people notice him in the hat and then he knows people have seen him. He's not just passed by.
What a powerful lesson.
    

I can't do Glenrock! Update!

Out of the frustration of "I can't do Glenrock" has come, my favorite thing... PROGRESS!!!
Years of Jonathon's negative commentary about Glenrock has been pinpointed! I knew he didn't hate everything Glenrock, but getting him to realize that and verbalize it, is another story.
From our discussions of moving, Jonathon has narrowed his dislike of Glenrock to... "I like the Glenrock. I don't like the police mans. They will destroy me!"
I am thrilled for him, and us! Not because he thinks the police will "destroy" him! We've been dealing with the police issue for six years now. I'm not sure how to help him work through his dislike of the police, but we will continue to try to help him figure out that they're here for safety, not to hurt. For today though, I'm just going to enjoy the progress we've made!

I can't do Glenrock!

For years, and I mean YEARS, every time we have left somewhere deemed desirable by Jonathon to come back to Glenrock we have had some serious meltdowns. Our departure has always been met with “I can’t do Glenrock!” “Glenrock hates me!” “Glenrock is going to kill me!” And on and on and on! It’s common for these protests to be accompanied by his theatrical death performance of his imaginary noose or the death grip of his strangling hands around his neck. (Of which, I figure he’s not going to choke himself to death, but he may pass out and then I’ll have a few miles of peace and quiet! Harsh you may say… hey, a parent needs a little ray of hope in the middle of this death defying drama!)    

The normal four hour drive back from South Dakota has taken us eight. We have dotted our way back, stopping at every small town from South Dakota back to Glenrock. I can tell you exactly what back roads to take to cut major time off your drive! Where you’re most likely to run into the highway patrol, by the way… when I’ve been stopped and they see the drama king in the back seat I’m usually free to go. I think they realize my sanity is on the line and if they hold this road trip from hell up any longer I could possibly lose it and then they’d have two people in need of a white jacket swaddling!

I thought, well… I was hopeful, with our impending move would come contentment, but, alas, it is not to be. I started to talk to Jonathon about moving and what does he say, “of course, I like it here in Glenrock!” “I CAN live in Glenrock!” This is the same guy who has acted out death scenes because he was certain his return to Glenrock would be met with death?! I refrained from saying, Are you kidding me!? Years of him being a little shit anytime we had to come back to Glenrock and all the drama from the backseat of the car has been replaced with… could it be… tolerance for Glenrock?!

I must say I’m not convinced that the drama over Glenrock has ended. This is an example of what Jonathon says not reflecting what he feels. I’ll apologize ahead of time in case you see me flying down the road, driving like a bat out of hell, looking a bit crazed… we probably just left a “good time” and my sanity is on the line!

Donation

Jonathon and I went to the grocery store today. Most people hate the checkout line, but when you have a person with autism with you it takes the hatred to an entirely new level. For Jonathon it means he has a number of people in a small confined space to be his captive audience. He felt the need today to loudly announce his apologies for hurting my leg and hitting Daddy-Tim in the tally-whacker and he vowed to never do it again. Great. Thanks for that public commitment to the safety of my leg and Tim’s tally-whacker! As we’re checking out, the clerk asked me if I wanted to donate to people with special needs. Pretty sure the look on my face answered her question!

DRAT those videos!

I will be glad when I get this presentation I'm working on done! I've been asked to present to graduate students at EKU later this month. The proffesor has asked me to talk about the transition process from school to adulthood (about Jonathon's businesses). What we've found useful over the years from professionals etc...
When I'm attending a presentation I like to see what different people with autism look like. What were they like as a child and youth compared to where they are at now. It isn't that I think, oh that's what Jonathon will be like, but I want to see what could be possible for him. So, I decided to look through the old home videos... I know... this is the second time I'm writing about them so obviously I've got issues with them! I just don't know where to put those emotions that come up from watching the videos. I wish I could find a happy medium with my emotions of him as a baby/toddler. Part of it is I'm not a person to live in the past and spend a lot of time thinking about what could've been, so to go back there is very difficult. If I stayed in a place of what if's I would be neglectful of what is.
I've come to the conclusion that if I want to get through my presentation without blubbering I'd better stick to showing video clips of Jonathon in his early diagnosis and skip the pre-diagnosis videos! 
DRAT those videos!

Pet Funeral

Something I have felt strongly teaching Jonathon about is death. It’s the one thing in life we can count on happening. Plus, Tim and I both have very large extended families, so it’s something Jonathon will experience many times over his lifetime.  

Jonathon’s sister Lindsey has always been a huge animal lover. Once Tim discharged from the Navy and we were in a permanent home Lindsey wanted animals. Somehow we acquired a little black and white bunny. I have no idea what happened, but the rabbit died.

I went and got Jonathon and showed it to him. I wanted him to see what being dead looked like. I really had to work hard at not freaking out when he touched it…Ewwww! I am not a toucher of dead things! However, I needed to hold it together or my plan of teaching him that death was ok would fail big time.

Lindsey decided we needed to have a funeral for the bunny. She made the casket, she dug the hole, she, Jonathon, and I all gathered for the service. We were standing around the carefully selected grave site of Linsdey’s choosing – southeast side of the back yard under the lilac bushes, (of which Jonathon would chop down shortly after) so much for the perfectly selected grave site.  After a few moments of silence, no one saying anything, I said “Jonathon, do you want to say a prayer for the bunny?” My thinking was his bedtime prayer which is “Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake. I pray the Lord my soul to take.” Ahhhh, nope. Not the prayer he chose. He recited “Come Lord Jesus be our guest, let this food to us be blessed!”

Oh my God! The drama that followed! Lindsey’s eyes about popped out of her sockets as she gave me her look of “DO SOMETHING WITH HIM!” followed by a big “HMPH!” I quickly tucked my face into my shirt so the grieving owner wouldn’t see me chuckling! Then, I believe, she yelled something about Jonathon ruining the entire funeral and ran off, into the house. I’m pretty sure that was the one and only family pet funeral we ever had!

ps - Lindsey has recovered from the trauma!

Work Buddy

Jonathon learned how to dust yesterday! I discovered the key to getting him to do his fair share of an assigned chore. Pair him up with a lazy peer! Why??? Because the lazy peer is going to make sure he does his fair share of the work! If I pair him with a peer who is more of a care taker, or motivated to get the job done, they tend to do the work themselves to get it over with. The lazy one is not about to do more than his/her work mate and so they are more than willing to keep Jonathon on task to get the job done!  :)