"Don't beat yourself up about mistakes you've made; there are plenty of other people in this world who will be more than happy to do it for you."
Years ago, another parent shared those words with me and they have carried me through many moments when I have felt like I wasn't doing anything right for Jonathon, or our daughter, Lindsey, for that matter.
Everyone has those days when they feel like the World's Worst Mom or Dad award winner. I would like to pass my friend's advice on to other parents but I would like to add to it... When you're feeling like the World's Worst Mom or Dad award is about to be bestowed upon you... make an extra donation to your child's therapy fund! It erases all your mistakes!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
It's...PROGRESS!!
My sister is getting her home ready for an appraisal, so Jonathon and I have been helping out. This morning I showed him the carpet staples in the stairs that needed to be removed. I gave him a screwdriver and put him to work while I went into the other room to get started on my project.
After a few minutes Jonathon came and found me, he didn't know the name of the tool he needed so he took his hand and made the motion for a pair of pliers. I gave him the pliers and he went right back to his job. Once done, he found me and told me he his chore was completed. I gave him the shop vac and told him to clean up all the staples, dirt, etc... As he was cleaning up he came across staples he had missed. On his own, he retrieved his tools and went back to complete the task at hand, pulling the staples and continued to finish up the vacuuming! I am so very proud of him!
I have always known Jonathon was more of a physical work type person, but this job also showed me a huge growth in maturity. To stay on task without direct supervision, to find the tools needed to complete the task and go right back to work to finish is HUGE! The job must have taken him a good 45 minutes. That's 45 MINUTES of sustained attention to a task!! WOW! He absolutely amazes me!
After a few minutes Jonathon came and found me, he didn't know the name of the tool he needed so he took his hand and made the motion for a pair of pliers. I gave him the pliers and he went right back to his job. Once done, he found me and told me he his chore was completed. I gave him the shop vac and told him to clean up all the staples, dirt, etc... As he was cleaning up he came across staples he had missed. On his own, he retrieved his tools and went back to complete the task at hand, pulling the staples and continued to finish up the vacuuming! I am so very proud of him!
I have always known Jonathon was more of a physical work type person, but this job also showed me a huge growth in maturity. To stay on task without direct supervision, to find the tools needed to complete the task and go right back to work to finish is HUGE! The job must have taken him a good 45 minutes. That's 45 MINUTES of sustained attention to a task!! WOW! He absolutely amazes me!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Three Minutes
This may seem insignificant to some people, but for Jonathon it meant PROGRESS!
Jonathon wanted Corn Dogs for lunch today. I told him "put the microwave on 3 minutes." Usually I would word it as "push 3, 0, 0, but I wanted to see if he could "get it" with different wording.
He looked at the microwave and his question back to me was "what does 3 minutes look like?"
WOW! For him to look at the microwave, realize he needed help and to choose that wording "what does 3 minutes look like" told me a lot about his visual thinking!
He was able to ask for help in his own words! Words not previously heard from me or anyone else helping him (echolalia), but his OWN language and he let me know he needed to SEE to understand!
Who would've thought Corn Dogs could be so exciting!!
Jonathon wanted Corn Dogs for lunch today. I told him "put the microwave on 3 minutes." Usually I would word it as "push 3, 0, 0, but I wanted to see if he could "get it" with different wording.
He looked at the microwave and his question back to me was "what does 3 minutes look like?"
WOW! For him to look at the microwave, realize he needed help and to choose that wording "what does 3 minutes look like" told me a lot about his visual thinking!
He was able to ask for help in his own words! Words not previously heard from me or anyone else helping him (echolalia), but his OWN language and he let me know he needed to SEE to understand!
Who would've thought Corn Dogs could be so exciting!!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Parents
I would never want to fill a parent full with false hope, so I guard my words carefully.
I'd heard a professional once say to a group of parents "tomorrow will be better than today." I couldn't believe a professional would tell parents that! There are no guarantees that tomorrow will be better... for anyone's life, autistic or not!
What I would like to tell parents of young children with autism... where you are at today, will not be where you are at tomorrow or many tomorrows from now. I would never guarantee it will be better, but it will be different.
Our kids do change and mature in their own unique ways. Look for even the smallest bit of progress. We are with our kids everyday and are used to their behaviors, so I do recommend a diary or some sort of documentation that can be looked back on so the progress can be seen.
We should also count our progress as parents. What are we, as parents, doing to educate ourselves so we can make changes within to help and understand our kids with autism? Too many times the child with autism is the one expected to do the changing and adapting. WHY? They're the one with the disability and in some cases mental retardation on top of the autism! Yes, we need to encourage progress and change in our kids, but also in ourselves.
I'd like to share a quote I found years ago by Helen Keller "I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble."
I'd heard a professional once say to a group of parents "tomorrow will be better than today." I couldn't believe a professional would tell parents that! There are no guarantees that tomorrow will be better... for anyone's life, autistic or not!
What I would like to tell parents of young children with autism... where you are at today, will not be where you are at tomorrow or many tomorrows from now. I would never guarantee it will be better, but it will be different.
Our kids do change and mature in their own unique ways. Look for even the smallest bit of progress. We are with our kids everyday and are used to their behaviors, so I do recommend a diary or some sort of documentation that can be looked back on so the progress can be seen.
We should also count our progress as parents. What are we, as parents, doing to educate ourselves so we can make changes within to help and understand our kids with autism? Too many times the child with autism is the one expected to do the changing and adapting. WHY? They're the one with the disability and in some cases mental retardation on top of the autism! Yes, we need to encourage progress and change in our kids, but also in ourselves.
I'd like to share a quote I found years ago by Helen Keller "I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble."
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Teacher's impact
I was reflecting on teachers who have had the greatest positive impact on Jonathon's life. The teacher who stands out above all others was, well, never actually one of Jonathon's teachers.
What could a teacher possibly have done to make such an impact in Jonathon's life when he never taught him? He, Mr Eager, took the time everyday to simply greet Jonathon. A simple "hello," "good morning," "How are you today?" made all the difference in Jonathon's middle school years.
Those years were excruciating for Jonathon, for our family. His behaviors were spiraling out of control due to puberty. A time when any teenager struggles, but for a child with autism who doesn't understand what is happening to his body it's even harder to deal with. To Jonathon, Mr. Eager's greetings meant I SEE you! I'm glad you are here! I enjoy you! Mr. Eager had no expectations for Jonathon to meet. His greetings were not contingent on his behavior or academic performance. He was simply a friendly face in a turbulent environment. Jonathon needed to know someone wants me here and that person was Mr. Eager.
If, by chance, Mr. Eager ever reads this... THANK YOU! Two simple words that can't fully express our family's gratitude!
What could a teacher possibly have done to make such an impact in Jonathon's life when he never taught him? He, Mr Eager, took the time everyday to simply greet Jonathon. A simple "hello," "good morning," "How are you today?" made all the difference in Jonathon's middle school years.
Those years were excruciating for Jonathon, for our family. His behaviors were spiraling out of control due to puberty. A time when any teenager struggles, but for a child with autism who doesn't understand what is happening to his body it's even harder to deal with. To Jonathon, Mr. Eager's greetings meant I SEE you! I'm glad you are here! I enjoy you! Mr. Eager had no expectations for Jonathon to meet. His greetings were not contingent on his behavior or academic performance. He was simply a friendly face in a turbulent environment. Jonathon needed to know someone wants me here and that person was Mr. Eager.
If, by chance, Mr. Eager ever reads this... THANK YOU! Two simple words that can't fully express our family's gratitude!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Summer
I LOVE summertime with Jonathon! His behavior is so much better in the summertime. He is doing awesome!
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